The gust of wind from the air conditioning unit is making me shiver. I move my jacket closer to my body while I sip from a warm cup of black coffee. It’s a cold morning here in the office and here I am staring at my computer’s monitor squinting, with brows almost meeting in the middle, lips that are slightly pouting, eyes fixed in the screen — concentrating.
Concentrating hah! at least that’s how I want to appear. But, in reality, my mind is away and lost, wandering in the hazy abyss of my own thoughts. Random thoughts never seem to stop pitter-pattering their way to my mind, and like my own heart beat they probably do not have plans of stopping any time soon.
I’ve been like this for several weeks now and I can’t seem to understand why I do what I’m doing lately. Even my frenemy, insomnia, has been so kind that it has come to visit for 3 straight weeks.
I feel so confused about something I don’t know,ironically.
I have friends to talk to, I have a wonderful family that listens. A great support system is something I am not deprived of…it’s just that I have no idea what to say to them (or how) because I don’t know what’s bothering me.
“I’ve been having problems sleeping lately”
“I don’t know…i am yet to find out”
“too much coffee, again?”
“Stressed with work?”
“Maybe, you’re occupied”
“I guess I am…but, occupied with what?”
“You’re the only one who can answer that.”
“Whatever it is…just pray for peace of mind.”
Maybe I am occupied with being occupied of thinking about what’s making me occupied. And it’s making me more occupied than I already am.
I guess i’m stressing myself in seeking answers to a ton of idle questions.
Peace of mind. I have always prayed for peace of mind and will continue praying for that.
While I’m typing this, I’m starting to realize that I should be mature enough to accept that there will always be questions left unanswered.
Maybe I have forgotten that I have surrendered to God and his will. My faith my have ran a little short. He loves me and only wants the best for me. I just need to trust in his timing.
I must remember God’s promises.
I need to stop questioning everything. I need to step back and let him be in control. I need to wholeheartedly surrender to God again.
I take another sip from my warm coffee cup, check my wristwatch, move the jacket closer to my body and click a button to save this entry. I somehow feel a little better.